After #MeToo

Uncategorized Oct 26, 2017

It trended last week on twitter and FB.  Thousands of women and men posted, #MeToo as an indicator that they had experienced sexual trauma.  I am left wondering what kind of impact it made. Do social media trends actually change people?  

I think about the women’s march on Washington last spring and wonder what happened when all those women returned home.  Has any real change manifested?  Did the women advocate for policy change; or get active in their community to focus on issues that affect women?  What really happened as a result?

Social media and...

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Being vs Living Numb

Uncategorized Oct 06, 2017

You absolutely can choose the way you want to live! You can either live from the place of soul synchronization, i.e. your mind, will and emotions aligned and working together; a place of "being" or you can live "numb."

Here are 5 approaches that decide which path you choose.
1. Face the trauma or Hide from the trauma.

I believe that facing the trauma means that I will end up ______________________________________. Facing the trauma will also require me to _______________________________. To face the trauma I need ___________________________________________ so that...

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5 reasons to stop judging your emotions.

Uncategorized Sep 21, 2017

I’m sure you’ve heard something like this: “Smile, it will get better.”  In response you judge the sad or disappointed emotion you feel.

A recent study at the University of California, Berkley, found that embracing your darker moods can actually make you feel better in the long run. Author Iris Mauss, “We found that people who habitually accept their negative emotions experience fewer negative emotions, which add up to better psychological health.

Perhaps you judge your emotions as inappropriate and then set about trying to twist them into something else...

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3 Lies That Cause Great Suffering

Uncategorized Sep 19, 2017

The greatest source of suffering is the lies we tell ourselves.

Perhaps an astonishing sentence in light of my grasp of the evil of sex abuse and its impact.  I can say that because I know that it is the impact of sex abuse that keeps the suffering in place.  And the deep destructive impact is what you now believe about yourself.

These lies produce the greatest suffering because:

1.      The lie is a poison running through your thoughts, to your heart, emotions and behaviors.  The lie creates a paradigm that reinforces despair and hurt.  That is...

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I Can't Wait to Walk Again

Uncategorized Sep 11, 2017

She had been in and out of the hospital.  Had multiple surgeries trying to save her leg.  And then they couldn’t.  It was amputated.  Soon she will be fitted with a prosthesis.

Her response:  I can’t wait to stand up and walk again!

Wow!  Doris’ reaction got me thinking – as always!

We build foundations of thinking that we stand on. Most of them built from trauma or hurtful experiences.  Mindsets and behaviors that we adopt thinking they protect us; believing they are part of our identity.  We feed them, keep them and maneuver...

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Your Authentic Swing

Uncategorized Aug 08, 2017

Your Authentic Swing

“To thine own self be true.”  Shakespeare wrote that line for a character in Hamlet.  Sounds good; until you try to put it into practice.

 It begs the question: “How can I know myself?”  Obviously, we have been keeping ourselves company our entire lives.  Surely, we know our own selves.  Don’t we?

 At the deepest, most authentic (and most important) levels, for most of us, the answer is “no”. Most people can describe themselves at a surface level:  surface wants, needs, perceptions,...

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Checking your Perceptions

Uncategorized Jul 18, 2017

It was just an example I used.  But it sent a shock wave through one of our ladies. I said, “picture a playground and envision a man coming and siting on the park bench.” Immediately her face shifted and I knew her perception of a man at a playground had trauma connected to it.

The perceptions you carry are formed by your experiences. Your brain collects the data of situations and events and creates a “catalog” that is used to explain something.  Parenting styles can unintentionally create distorted perceptions of self.  Trauma certainly creates...

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Created Identity

Uncategorized Apr 19, 2017

I am so very different from my parents and siblings.  I’ve sometimes thought I might actually be adopted, until I look at the resemblance between me and my father. Then I know I’m his daughter for sure. Beyond our physical resemblance, I’m different. I see things from a different perspective than my family and I have made choices that indicate I’m outside the box my family lives in.  I’m so different that my parents have actually separated themselves from me.

Makes me ask the question, why was I born to those parents?  Perhaps you experienced...

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The Problem with Triggers

Uncategorized Feb 21, 2017

I read it again in a post today.  “Trigger warning.” 

It made me mad actually.  Here’s why. 

A gun has a trigger and once pulled, a bullet comes flying out of the barrel, with destruction in mind. That is how we typically view a “trigger” experience in the world of trauma.  We accept the expectation that there will be destruction; that the place in your mind or emotions that hold the trauma event will erupt.  We accept triggers, we don’t fight to disrupt them.

I am angry at this interpretation.

In trying to be sensitive to...

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Change the Word and Change the Picture

Uncategorized Feb 10, 2017

As I gaze out this window and try to find words to describe what I see, I can choose between two words. I see either a hill or a mountain. Choosing which word to describe what I see is important for there is a great distinction between a mountain and a hill.

The words we use matter.

I want to propose a shift in some of the words we use when looking at sex abuse so that we can create a different possibility.

Victim or survivor - Typically when we refer to someone who has experienced sexual trauma, we use the word survivor. They haven't survived it - yet. They got through it. With much...

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