Connections

Your Authentic Swing

“To thine own self be true.”  Shakespeare wrote that line for a character in Hamlet.  Sounds good; until you try to put it into practice.

 It begs the question: “How can I know myself?”  Obviously, we have been keeping ourselves company our entire lives.  Surely, we know our own selves.  Don’t we?

 At the deepest, most authentic (and most important) levels, for most of us, the answer is “no”. Most people can describe themselves at a surface level:  surface wants, needs, perceptions,...

It was just an example I used.  But it sent a shock wave through one of our ladies. I said, “picture a playground and envision a man coming and siting on the park bench.” Immediately her face shifted and I knew her perception of a man at a playground had trauma connected to it.

The perceptions you carry are formed by your experiences. Your brain collects the data of situations and events and creates a “catalog” that is used to explain something.  Parenting styles can unintentionally create distorted perceptions of self.  Trauma certainly creates...

I am so very different from my parents and siblings.  I’ve sometimes thought I might actually be adopted, until I look at the resemblance between me and my father. Then I know I’m his daughter for sure. Beyond our physical resemblance, I’m different. I see things from a different perspective than my family and I have made choices that indicate I’m outside the box my family lives in.  I’m so different that my parents have actually separated themselves from me.

Makes me ask the question, why was I born to those parents?  Perhaps you experienced...

I read it again in a post today.  “Trigger warning.” 

It made me mad actually.  Here’s why. 

A gun has a trigger and once pulled, a bullet comes flying out of the barrel, with destruction in mind. That is how we typically view a “trigger” experience in the world of trauma.  We accept the expectation that there will be destruction; that the place in your mind or emotions that hold the trauma event will erupt.  We accept triggers, we don’t fight to disrupt them.

I am angry at this interpretation.

In trying to be sensitive to...

As I gaze out this window and try to find words to describe what I see, I can choose between two words. I see either a hill or a mountain. Choosing which word to describe what I see is important for there is a great distinction between a mountain and a hill.

The words we use matter.

I want to propose a shift in some of the words we use when looking at sex abuse so that we can create a different possibility.

Victim or survivor - Typically when we refer to someone who has experienced sexual trauma, we use the word survivor. They haven't survived it - yet. They got through it. With much...

Behold the sound

                Of course your ears are drawn to the sound of the rushing around of this Christmas time; the red kettle bells; the songs; the frustrated shoppers. In this moment with me I want you to hear beyond that.

                Hear the sounds of your heart.   All the sounds.  Not just the cry of hurt; I suspect you’re all too familiar with that one.  This time I want you to hear the sound of...

She looked at me, shrugged her shoulders and said, “It’s famiiar.”  My heart sank as I knew she would be returning to a hurtful relationship in which she was treated with disregard.  It was her normal. 

The teenager looked at me with tears in her eyes.  “My dad used to kiss me on the neck.  When J. (mothers boyfriend) did the same, I thought it was normal.”  J. proceeded to molest her. 

It was normal.  That’s one of the answers to the questions people often ask.  “Why did she go back to him?” ...

This post was written by a guest.  The writer has been training for a grueling physical experience called The Spartan Race.  Her thoughts about how the race experience embodies her overcoming journey resonate.  You've got to want it.  You've got to push through the obstacles.

It's funny, I was thinking about the Spartan Race and why the hell I would want to do something so crazy!? I mean I'm athletic and have played sports all my life, but not enough to be able to conquer all of the obstacles. I've always wanted to do one of these...but why?

I set aside some time...

You have a terrorist occupying your personal territory!

When that person obliterated your physical boundaries and touched your body, deep damage was done to your heart, emotions and thoughts.  Those unprocessed emotions and the thoughts you used to try to understand the incomprehensible, have occupied your territory and are terrorizing you.

• It won’t be the latest webinar that conquers this terrorist.

• It won’t be the latest self-help book.

• It won’t even be your therapist.

You are the one who will overcome and conquer.

You have to prepare for battle, fight back...

Its more than a physical touch.  The touch of sex abuse is a touch that speaks devastation to the heart and soul.  It’s a touch that leaves behind an oppressive sense of shame. 

 It is unearned.                   It is unjust.                         It is undeserved.

Shame is often mistaken as a part of identity.  It feels as if it defines you.  Shame...